Supporting Teens in a Complex World: Reflections from Netflix’s Adolescence
By Ian Murray, LCMHC
The new limited Netflix series Adolescence is a raw and intense journey through a family’s experience when their teenage son gets arrested and accused of murder. The show weaves the viewer through the experience of the son Jamie, his parents, his sister, his classmates, and the community during the arrest, investigation, and life just before trial. While many won’t experience the events in the show, it shows the complexity of the teenage experience today. Being inundated with technology, bullying, status, masculinity, friendship, loyalty, fear, confusion, and, at times, tragedy are all parts of the experience highlighted in the show. Many of these topics deserve more exploration. However, three questions posed by different characters can teach us the most about the adolescent experience, which allows us to help teens navigate their experiences.
What could we have done?
The short answer in this situation is likely nothing. However, whether you are a parent or not, we have all been insinuations in which we go down a tortuous path of wondering what we could’ve done differently, the gut-wrenching scene follows the father attempting to avoid the thoughts of what they could’ve done differently and his wife persisting that there needs to be some reflection on their roles in Jamie’s life and the possibility his parents could’ve been done differently. Jamie's mom’s vulnerability allows viewers to learn from what they may have missed. The importance of this scene is not to blame or shame. Instead, it emphasizes the importance of communication and the role of parents keeping open lines of communication to support their teens, even if the teen sometimes rejects it. Jamie’s parents notice signs that things are not quite right with him. His behaviors indicate his isolation from his family, fixation with screens, and unhealthy sleep patterns. While his mom set limits for him to sleep, she may have missed the opportunity to establish a line of communication. Many teenagers value privacy, but their well-being needs to have adults they can confide in. Even if behaviors seem “normal for a teenager” check in. Let them know they have an outlet.
What did we miss?
The second episode focuses on a detective investigating Jamie’s case. During this episode, a student pulls him aside with information. At first, the detective became agitated when the student tried explaining what he knew. As the scene unfolds, it’s apparent that the detectives missed the hidden meaning of symbols and emojis in Jamie’s correspondence with others. This underlines the importance of parents’ role in staying as educated as possible about the world their teen is trying to navigate. While we cannot possibly know everything or keep up with it, parents must attempt to explore what their teens are facing. Much of the show implies that incel culture, or the involuntary celibate viewpoints, influenced Jamie’s reactions. Though, the adults in the show are learning about this subculture and its norms throughout the show. Learning and discovery can increase our ability to connect and facilitate communication.
Did I do enough to protect him?
Jamie’s father ponders this towards the end of the final episode. Many parents want to protect their kids from all heartache, pain, or failure. The intention is positive, but Jamie’s mom highlights the importance of a parent's presence, unconditional support and time. During the most difficult moments in Jamie’s life, his dad is present, by his side, showing up, talking to him and going through the pain with him. While feeling utterly powerless, Jamie’s dad remains present, providing a sense of security, protection, and comfort that is incredibly difficult for parents to see when their child is hurting.
Adolescence highlights the challenges of navigating life as a teen. Every episode poses questions, provides new information or thought provoking dialogue about how complex and complicated being a teenager in an age of technology is. While it may feel overwhelming, the show guides the user on supporting teens. It may sometimes feel insignificant, but keeping open communication, learning about the world in which they live, and being present for them are vital parts of supporting teens. While the show leaves the viewer to answer many questions to answer, the lessons are clear, as long as we are willing to pay attention.
Images courtesy of Netflix
