Gratitude
Ian Murray, LCMHC
For many, Thanksgiving is a time for reflection. Often, you see or hear people for whom they are grateful. Finding time throughout the year to reflect and be thankful is necessary and beneficial. While gratitude is a part of our language during this time of year, it is often something that people struggle to do consistently throughout the year. Partially because the act of being grateful is only a part of truly finding gratitude and being thankful for the things around you. There are three things you can do not only to maximize this season of gratitude but also to keep gratitude as part of your daily life.
First, understand that gratitude is more than just saying that you are thankful for something or grateful for it. Gratitude is embodied through our actions and behaviors as well. Saying you are grateful for something takes a few moments, and while helpful, may not create the lasting gratitude we need or look for. For example, saying that you are grateful for your family is a positive step, however. Living out that gratitude might look like picking up the phone to call family, or spending time with loved ones without being distracted by phone work or other tasks. A large part of being grateful for something is being fully present during the experience itself. During this time of year, see if you can find something you are grateful for and attempt to be fully present for it, even if it means postponing a photo, setting down a phone, or carving out time when you are not distracted.
Second, take time to listen and observe others around you. While we do not need to compare ourselves to others to be grateful, being aware of others' experiences and lives can help us appreciate the positive aspects of our own. In conversations, attempt to listen to another person, without planning out a response before they are done. Reflect on their experiences and you may be able to find things in your own life that you may take for granted. Pay attention to news or stories in your community, and pause to empathize with the people or persons in the story. This pause for empathy challenges us to not keep scrolling through media or stories and challenges us to reflect on others stories and experiences, while reflecting on our own.
Finally, be aware of the tendency to look for the negative, and the negative thinking we all display at times. Gratitude is less effective when we switch from being grateful to being negative. A major contributor to this is how we judge our experiences as negative or positive. A simple step is to remove judgment language from your thinking or evaluation of a situation. For example, if you make plans with someone and they are late, instead of calling them rude, we can acknowledge that they simply did not arrive on time without judging it as disrespectful or bad. By doing this, we allow ourselves to reduce negative feelings that can prevent us from finding gratitude and being grateful to spend time with someone. If we simply acknowledge that something has happened without placing a judgement, we will still experience feelings of sadness or disappointment. But it is often easier to feel sad and still be grateful than to judge a situation as negative or bad and find gratitude.
While it’s difficult, I attempt to use the principles of being present, listening and observing and reducing judgements to find gratitude. In light of starting a new practice in the last year: I am grateful for many things. I am grateful for my coworker, the freedom that a practice brings, the clients I have and support, the opportunities for creativity and innovation, the freedom to choose when and how I spend my time, to design our own space and website, and to try new things, and fail. The community partners and relationships that we have been able to build, the people who have supported or guided us or just stopped by to say hello or ask questions. I have also been more intentional about putting my phone down when I talk to colleagues, not trying to multi-task while speaking with a colleague, listening to others more intently without trying to figure out the correct thing to say. I have also worked very hard to not judge the administrative tasks I do not enjoy doing as negative or time consuming, rather they are just things I have to do. I hope these tips help you not only experience more gratitude during the holiday season but allow you to carry the same level of thankfulness with you throughout the year.
