A Year in Review: What I’ve Learned
Ian Murray, LCMHC
I often find myself caught between two different perspectives: maintaining the status quo, even though I desire more, or taking a risk and making a change. Our brains are wired for certainty, which can keep us feeling stuck and stagnant. I am a relatively risk-averse person, choosing familiarity and comfort over the unknown. A year ago, I decided to take a risk. Over the past few weeks, I have been reflecting on opening my practice and taking a risk that I never thought I would have the courage or the opportunity to take. Reflecting over the past twelve months, I am sharing a few things that I have learned from the year, to validate and normalize the struggle of choosing risk over comfort.
First, and most importantly, was my purpose for making a change. In the past, when I thought about making a change, it was actually to make that change and lead something I wanted. Like taking a higher-paying job to have more money, or to get me on a path for something I thought I wanted later. For the first time, I made a change, looking for change itself. Yes, I want to create something with my new practice and make an impact, but I also wanted to make a change because that's what felt right at the time. I wasn't making a change to lead to something better, to make more, or achieve recognition; I was putting myself on a path. I wanted to make a change, because it could lead to things I am not aware of or expecting. Embracing change for what it is has been surprisingly rewarding. Not because everything has been good or easy. But because change has challenged me. For the first time, change has not been about what I can get out of it in the end or later, but about what I choose to pull from it now.
Second, you might have heard the phrase "learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable." I thought I was applying this principle well for a long time. Taking a risk to start a practice pushed me into an area of discomfort that I often avoid. For me, I usually choose discomfort when it's predictable, like starting a new job or giving a presentation. However, I didn't realize how much I avoided discomfort when the process or outcome was not predictable. I couldn't have known many of these discomforts that have come my way over the last year, which has been an important area of growth for me. It has challenged me to pause, evaluate my priorities, and most importantly, trust that I'll get through the discomfort, even if I can't see the end or know when it will be over. Unpredictable discomfort has come in many forms, and much discomfort is still to come. Accepting and learning that I can get through the discomfort of all kinds, not just the ones I can predict with a start and stop, is vital for me.
Finally, I often viewed myself as a person who goes with the flow and doesn't need control over things. Over the years, I have learned that my go with the flow attitude was my way of trying to control things. If I go with the flow, people will be happy and things will go well. A few years ago, I realized that control is more important to me than I had thought. Once I realized that, I found myself taking control in healthier ways. However, giving that control up was something I hadn't consciously done before. However, this change has allowed me to give up some control over others. It has taught me that control is not all or nothing; it is something that comes and goes. My choice is not always what I can control, but what I allow myself to be controlled by.
I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to take the risk that I have and share some of the things I have learned along the way. As I continue to navigate change, embrace unpredictable discomfort, and choose to take control, I want to validate the uncertainty many people have about change and risk.
