Helping Teens Set Achievable Goals without the Pressure
Victoria Gwilt, LMCHCA
The new year is well known for being a time for setting big resolutions and new goals. The feeling of renewal and beginnings is fresh in the air, yet for teens, this time can often feel overwhelming or even discouraging. These big resolutions and lofty goals can lead to unrealistic expectations or fear of failure, and external pressures can take the joy out of self-improvement. This guide is intended to help parents and teens collaborate on stress-free ways to set meaningful and achievable goals that foster growth and confidence.
Why Goal-Setting Can Be Challenging for Teens
To best support teens, it’s essential to understand the unique pressures they face. Many teens struggle with perfectionism in their goal-setting, feeling that their goals must be achieved flawlessly to have value. This mindset often leads to overcommitment, as they overload their schedules with academics and extracurriculars, leaving little room for balance or personal time. Such overexertion can make their goals feel overwhelming and unattainable.
External expectations also play a significant role. When goals are imposed by others, they can feel more like a source of stress than a collaborative effort. This pressure may create a fear of failure, causing teens to avoid setting goals altogether to escape the possibility of falling short. Recognizing and addressing these challenges can help teens approach goal-setting with confidence and a healthier perspective.
Principles for Stress-Free Goal-Setting
Reaching goals requires careful planning, but it’s important to first focus on the process of setting those goals. Starting small and specific can help teens achieve small wins that build confidence and momentum. Instead of vague goals like “get better grades,” encourage concrete actions, such as “spend twenty minutes reviewing math notes after school.”
It’s also essential to help teens set goals that are meaningful to them. Ask questions like, “What do you enjoy doing, and how can we support that?” or “What skills do you want to build for yourself?” This fosters intrinsic motivation, as teens are more likely to work toward goals that genuinely interest them.
A helpful framework for goal-setting is the SMART goal method. SMART stands for Specific (clearly defined goal), Measurable (decide how to track progress), Achievable (ensure the goal is realistic), Relevant (align the goal with personal interests and values), and Time-Bound (set a timeline for achievement).
Encouraging Flexibility
Nobody is perfect, and setbacks are a natural part of working toward goals. When challenges arise, help teens reframe these moments as opportunities to learn and grow. Remind them that obstacles are part of the journey, not a sign of failure. It’s also essential to celebrate effort, not just outcomes. Acknowledge and appreciate the hard work they’re putting into their goals, regardless of the result. Encouraging flexibility fosters adaptability—if something isn’t working, support them in adjusting or modifying their goals instead of giving up entirely.
Make It a Family Effort
Encourage engagement in goal-setting by making it a family activity. Model the process by sharing your own goals and how you're working toward them. Set aside dedicated family time to have collaborative discussions and support each other’s goals. This time can also help foster accountability, providing an opportunity to check in, share progress, and address any challenges together.
What to Avoid
Don’t let unnecessary barriers demotivate progress toward goals. Avoid comparison to others, as this can hinder motivation. Instead, emphasize that each person’s journey is unique. Goals should align with their current capacity, without adding undue stress, so be mindful of setting realistic timelines. While setbacks are a natural part of the process, criticizing them only discourages growth. Use mistakes as teachable moments, focusing on lessons learned rather than solely on what went wrong.
Goal-setting can be fun and creative! Try making vision boards to visually map out goals in an engaging way. Journaling is another great option, encouraging daily reflections on progress and thoughts. Tools like digital calendars or simple checklists can make tracking small steps enjoyable and rewarding.